A Secular liberal named Richard, a Christian named Billy, and a highly committed Muslim named Sayyid walk into a bar. Okay a pub. Okay they're on lunch break from their job. Something's been on Billy's mind, so he decides to talk to his friends about it.
Billy: Guys, my wife and I have been having problems lately. We want to move out of our apartment and into a house. Problem is, we can't agree on where to live. I want to live out in the suburbs and she wants to live down in the city. We just can't seem to agree. We're at a classic impasse. What's the right thing for me to do here?
Richard: Well, Billy, I think you're asking a misguided question. There's not really a right thing to do. Not with your wife, and not ever. Morality is constructed by human beings and you and your wife can construct it however you want. Right and wrong are not real categories of morality. There is no such thing, really. Does that help, Billy?
Billy: Um, not really. That leaves me with no advice on what I should actually do. What about you, Sayyid?
Sayyid: Your wife should do whatever you want her to do. You should move to the suburbs. Does that help?
Billy: Well not really. I told you we were at an impasse. Plus, our relationship does not really look that dictatorial.
Sayyid: Well it should. Your wife should submit to whatever you tell her to. As a matter of fact, if she won't agree with your desires, I think you should take matters into your own literal hands. After all, the Quran in Surah 4:34 says, "As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance). (Ali translation from 2001, 7th edition). Does that help?
Richard: Excuse me a minute! You mean to tell me you think it's okay to beat your wife, Sayyid? That is not right at all!
Sayyid: According to your own view, there is no right and wrong. Leave me alone and do not question my religious convictions. It is not right to do so.
Richard: I suppose you're right. Or I suppose you are right to believe whatever you believe, since there is no right or wrong.
Billy: Hold up guys! This conversation is ridiculous. I refuse to believe there is no right or wrong, and I refuse to resort to spousal abuse. Sayyid, domestic violence is illegal after all, and there's a reason for that. That's because it's wrong, despite whatever Richard agrees with. It's plain wrong. It's wrong in any time or place, in any culture. It's wrong. And beyond all that, neither of you have helped me with my problem at all!
Richard: I suppose you could find a halfway point between the city and the suburbs.
Sayyid: Compromise is a weak position, for sure.
Billy: Well, whatever the case is, I'm more inclined to love my wife first and give her what she desires, but if it comes to compromise, I guess that's the best suggestion I've heard yet. Say, when's that server coming? We've been sitting here for a while.
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1 comment:
I get some giddy enjoyment out of self-defeating arguments. One of my favorites is the all-time classic: "There is no absolute truth."
Another less easily recognized self-defeating argument is that of the atheist. A true atheist, not just an agnostic, says definitively, "There cannot exist an all-knowing being because there is nothing outside my realm of understanding and I can tell you that he does not exist."
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